Countdown to the Disappointment: Crippled Bob's Skyward Sword Epiphany

So, this blog has a new name. This blog has one previous post. This blog will fall on its arse again if I piss around with fonts etc. way too much this time round and disabled people get tired easily. Don't judge. I swear my life is more eventful that this blog's archive suggests, but by Jesus my posts will be more epic that the other shit I've deleted from three and a harf years ago. Having learned from failed past blogs and finally figuring out how to keep busy as a recession-era graduate: this blog is going to give an insight into my foray as a creative social entrepreneur and; because it's like a bad habit of mine, act as a soapbox for me as a general chatterbox about different tidbits of popular culture. That shit gets everywhere. I will now pretend that this blog has always been really good but full of its self and has garnered such a merit through endless months worth of totes amazeballs posts on topics like Charlie Sheen, Scottish pandas and oil spills. Blog post about meeting a legendary politician in 2008? Check. Blog post about playing THE Zelda game that DEFINES what makes a legendary videogame? Ok let's go... but it may surprise you.

A friend of mine from Germany, with a knack for being cuttingly realistic, told me that at the time I was too excitable and should never expect too much from something - lest ye be disappointed. These were not his exact words because he is not Wilhelm Schakespearen. And I misspelled 'because' just there. And fixed it. Pity my friend didn't advise me on my spelling-based OCD. :( lol jk

Anyway, this dude knew what he was on about, because I am a gullible bastard for my own bullshit. Disappointment tends to linger around enthusiastic people like a bad smell and is there to kick them in the balls without warning. And as a huge fan of Nintendo games, especially the Zelda series, the last time I played a new Zelda without a hitch of some kind was probably 7 years ago with Minish Cap - that's the same length of time Link was in cryosleep for in Ocarina of Time FFS! Twilight Princess got played months later than I would have liked because the Wii I was to get that Christmas didn't arrive in time over the university "Winterval". IKR, winter and interval... :/

But this was pish to worry about, since now that I've bought Skyward Sword, the only Nintendo and/or Zelda game to get 10/10 from Edge UK (prestigious gaming magazine) - I am not sure if I will actually ever get to play it. Why? Because the Wii MotionPlus controller is Nintendo's big fuck you to people with limited mobility. And the only way to play Skyward Sword, which has the initials 'SS' and this is a little bit suspect thanks to that big war from CoD: World at War featuring Dr. ToothbrushTache. Fucking game, I CAN'T EVEN SWING LINK'S EFFING SWORD. EVEN ONCE... IN THE TUTORIAL! WITH ALL MY BLOOD VESSELS INTACT! And now a lifelong fan of Nintendo might have to buy a non-Nintendo console in future. Granted, that's not a biggie for most people BUT the last non-Nintendo console I bought was a Sega MegaDrive [ok I bought my sister a PSP but just pretend I didn't, since I am 100% anti-Sony]. But... and there's always a but... I'm not really all that heartbroken about my potential exclusion from playing Skyward Sword. I'd have cried if I was 12 or something... but at 26?!? Meh. My 'epiphany' is that there are other things in life than videogames, and that my epiphanies are pretty shallow. :D

I have three options: patience, appeal or amnesia. Patience: as soon as the bitterness leaves me and I get that delicious, newer, comfier wheelchair I'm waiting on, I will try again to play SS using the slightly smaller Wiimote with built in MotionPlus. In the likely event of this plan not working, I will do a lot more blogging, resume building... or sneakily buy a 3DS as I continue to bitch about Nintendo, capitalism, and my T-rex arms. RAWR! Appeal would be to brush up on my Japanese and write them a stern letter. Japanese businessmen would be all over a stern letter / customer query, and I need an excuse to learn more Japanese, since, like that dick Sarkozy - Nintendo don't speak English. But I don't care enough to write said letter. And balls to the Wii, mouse-only MMORPGs are a lot less strenuous to play so imma play one of those in the meantime (it's called Wakfu, it's a lot like a Final Fantasy Tactics MMO, and it's one beautiful little game).

My most likely, final course of action is to forget motion controlled games like the gaming world will - it was a fun flash in the pan. Oh amnesia, you strangely useful brain-fart you! And like I suggested earlier, I think this epiphany calls for more blogging. Or I will always suck at real life, being a possible gaming addict. So, umm, if you're interested my next post will be an overview of my social enterprise funded project thus far. It's called G.O.A.T. and it's going to be a series of creative/motivational workshops based in my hometown of Newry, Northern Ireland. I'd show you my annotated map of local hotspots, but Google+ is a bit poncey for me, personally. And I'd get a pitchfork through my window if I published it...